If you decide to get back with an ex after a significant period of time then there is a LOT to discuss, assuming that you want the next attempt at a relationship to be on a much stronger foundation. The need to have self-reflection, openness, honesty, and bringing more to the relationship increases dramatically. Otherwise you will have high likelihood of the relationship failing again.
Should there not have been a lot of communication during your time away from each other then you will need to discuss many things. One difficult topic for most people, of course, is discussing other partners that the other person had during your time away from each other. This is difficult for so many reasons including:
- inadequacy issues (both yours and those of your ex)
- dealing with the other partner(s)’ history which may have required visits to the doctor or OBGYN
- questions about activities which may or may not have been done with other people
- how much passion does your ex still have for the other partner(s)
- financial implications such as new levels of expectation
- effect that the other partner(s) may have had on your respective family members, including any kids you had with your ex
- the effect on any business interests with the other partner
- are there any passwords to accounts or services shared with the other partner such as joint checking accounts, web hosting and email accounts, or other shared assets where money and information is at risk
- many other topics
When getting back with an ex, many people romanticize about “what could have been” or “what could be”. Nonetheless, the big picture requires getting resolution on the above issues as many other topics of similar magnitude. The problem is that many people aren’t comfortable discussing these topics, and this discomfort can lead to never addressing underlying issues; and that, of course, can serve as the force for having your relationship crumbling in the first place.
More on these topics to come in future posts. Leave your thoughts on the subject especially if you notice certain characteristics or scenarios that have high odds of overcoming problems which arise during the times that people are away from their ex.