Is It Worth Getting Her Back?

Many guys wrestle with this question after a breakup.  It is challenging for good men to move on, especially after they have invested so much time, money, emotion, vulnerability and likely physical exertion helping her with numerous projects.  All of these are deemed to be “assets” by men, and it can be tough for any man to move on after having expended so much of these assets only to believe that there was no return on investment.


The challenges for many men include:

  • Any issues pertaining to kids
  • Risks of legal situations should it have involved adultery or other intense situations
  • Any financial assets needing to be divided or divested
  • Not having the confidence to find another woman of equal or better caliber
  • Dealing with the ramifications of not being close again with any of her family members
  • The emotional pain of not being wanted
  • The effect that the breakup will have on his job/career whether he is an employee or entrepreneur
  • Having to go through not being familiar with the singles scene, especially if he was with his woman for several years
  • Fewer choices of quality women available


These are just some of the topics.  Feel free to add your thoughts as we explore this more in later posts.  Thanks.

Risks When You Get Back With Your Ex

If you decide to get back with an ex after a significant period of time then there is a LOT to discuss, assuming that you want the next attempt at a relationship to be on a much stronger foundation.  The need to have self-reflection, openness, honesty, and bringing more to the relationship increases dramatically.  Otherwise you will have high likelihood of the relationship failing again.

Should there not have been a lot of communication during your time away from each other then you will need to discuss many things.  One difficult topic for most people, of course, is discussing other partners that the other person had during your time away from each other.  This is difficult for so many reasons including:

  • inadequacy issues (both yours and those of your ex)
  • dealing with the other partner(s)’ history which may have required visits to the doctor or OBGYN
  • questions about activities which may or may not have been done with other people
  • how much passion does your ex still have for the other partner(s)
  • financial implications such as new levels of expectation
  • effect that the other partner(s) may have had on your respective family members, including any kids you had with your ex
  • the effect on any business interests with the other partner
  • are there any passwords to accounts or services shared with the other partner such as joint checking accounts, web hosting and email accounts, or other shared assets where money and information is at risk
  • many other topics


When getting back with an ex, many people romanticize about “what could have been” or “what could be”.  Nonetheless, the big picture requires getting resolution on the above issues as many other topics of similar magnitude.  The problem is that many people aren’t comfortable discussing these topics, and this discomfort can lead to never addressing underlying issues; and that, of course, can serve as the force for having your relationship crumbling in the first place.

More on these topics to come in future posts.  Leave your thoughts on the subject especially if you notice certain characteristics or scenarios that have high odds of overcoming problems which arise during the times that people are away from their ex.

How To Deal With The Emotional Side Of Cleaning Yourself Up After A Breakup

If you have had to deal with a recent, emotionally challenging breakup then you likely still are experiencing a wide range of emotions.  Most of these, probably, are what you otherwise would consider to be negative emotions.

There are challenges to your identity, possible changes to your social circle, financial impact (credit, etc.), and you even may have to relocate towns or states.  This doesn’t even include the emotional impact of family members, kids and any business interests or jobs which the two of you shared.

Needless to say, a breakup can devastate someone on multiple levels:  emotional, financial, reputation, career, etc.  No wonder that so many people try to get back with their “ex”…. in theory, it would solve a lot of problems stemming from damage outside of the interpersonal dynamic that the two people had.

The problem is that many people can take a huge hit emotionally and they may need to get away for a while.  For example, some people need to move and relocate.  If they can’t find a cheap apartment then they may live with family or friends, a low-cost RV park, at an extended stay cheap motel, or any number of sub-optimal living arrangements.  By spending too much time in such environments, the “downward spiral” can begin – or accelerate – toward other problems such as being victim of crime, drugs, alcohol or other less-than-ideal situations.

If you are in a tough emotional situation due to a break up, somehow find a way to reach a sense of detachment for a little bit.  Take some time to look at yourself and what you may have done in order to reach this current state.  You will want objective feedback from trusted friends, counselors, or others you trust in order to find a way to “upgrade” yourself.  Even if the ex is considered by most people to be fairly vicious, you still let that other person into your life so find a way to make the upgrades needed.  Most of the time, the journey toward a better relationship – even if it is with your ex – requires you to face some ugly self-truths and fix them.  Hopefully you find the motivation, ability and right environment in which to make those changes.

More on this topic in future posts.